Topics for Jewish Youn Divorce and Civil Rights

 

Divorce is a Mitzvah:

Divorce American Style- Torah and Divorce- How Halacha Changes-  On Being a Jewish Feminist- Bizmaneinu- Gittin- The Beit Din- Sofrim-  Eydim- Takanot-   Agunot- Reform vs. Orthodox- One Family’s Story

 

 

WARM-UP

 

1.    a-Brainstorm : What words come to mind when you hear the word divorce?

 

b-How does Hollywood think of divorce? 

 

WATCH: Film trailer--   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHi-a1n8t7M

 

c- What do you need for a civil divorce?

 

2.   What is a Mitzvah really?  Mitzvah vs. Mitzve

3.   Mitzvah is what jews do: Divorce is normative.

4.   What do you need for Judaism’s divorce? Activity:

 “Everybody Knows”.

5.    SOURCES

6.   The Big Ideas:

·       Divorce is not a simcha, but it is a mitzvah.  

·        It is normal, normative, and important. It is not a sin.

·       Judaism is a religion for kids and adults. Many adults think Judaism is a religion for kids because they stopped studying it as kids.  But Much of Judaism only applies to adult life, such as divorce.

·       Judaism is concerned with all areas of human life, not just holidays and prayer.

·       American popular culture is rooted in a European Christian perspective of divorce, that divorce is a sin.  Judaism sees it as mitzvah: a way to make the world just and holy.

 

Vocabulary terms:  Dayan, Get, Eyd, Sofer, Shaliach, Beit Din,  Shtar,

 

 

EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS STUFF. BUT IS EVERYBODY RIGHT?  MARK TRUE OR FALSE!

1.     Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce you need witnesses, just like at a wedding.

 

2.    Everybody knows that  ...the husband has to wear a tallit during the ceremony.

 

3.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce, after the ceremony, the ex-wife and ex-husband are told not to speak to each other. Ever.

 

4.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the ceremony is only a few minutes long.

 

5.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce, the Reform movement says a civil divorce is good enough in our day.

 

6.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce Chasidic and other very Orthodox rabbis don’t perform or accept divorce.

 

7.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce Judaism sees divorce as a sin.

 

8.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce for the past 1000 years, rabbis have forbidden divorcing a wife against her will.         

 

9.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the get, or bill of divorce, has to be on parchment.

 

10.                    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  before the wife accepts her Get,  she has to wash her hands first.

 

11.  Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce before the wife accepts her Get, she has to take off any rings or bracelets.

 

12. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the couple must be face to face for the entire ceremony.

 

13. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce,  traditionally, the wife is the one who gives the get to the husband.

 

14.Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  only rabbis can serve in a beit din for divorce.

 

15. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  only men may write a get.

 

 

 

 

In the fertile crescent of 3500 years ago, a man could divorce his wife without any restrictions.  He needed no court, did not have to make a settlement, or share custody of children with her.   The Torah made a powerful change in the world- putting a limit on a Jewish man’s ability to divorce his wife.  It was not perfect, and we will discuss how Judaism continually made efforts to strengthen women’s rights in a divorce. Yet even in this early part of Judaism’s history,  Divorce is a Mitzvah.  Check out the complicated area of the Torah where we hear the most about divorce (Devarim 24:1-4):

 

When a man finds a wife and marries her, should she find no favor in his eyes because of an ervat davar,  he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house;

And then she marries another man, and the latter man comes to hate her and he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out, or he dies;

Then her former husband cannot marry her again… that is something Adonai thinks is disgusting.

 

What does this set of verses see as normal?

What is an ervat davar? See the Mishnah in Gittin 9:10

What does a husband have to do to divorce his wife in this period of time?

What is the concern of this set of verses in the Torah? Is it divorce or something else?

 

 Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah in English)  the prophet used Divorce as a metaphor for the sins of our ancestors in ancient times (including idol worship, enslaving those they were supposed to free,  and bloodshed) and how they made a breach in our connection to God. He says this is how God saw the sins of the Jewish people in the Kingdom of Judah at the end of the 6^th Century, not learning from the fate of the Kingdom of Israel (yes, there were two Jewish kingdoms for centuries) :

ח  וָאֵרֶא, כִּי עַל-כָּל-אֹדוֹת אֲשֶׁר נִאֲפָה מְשֻׁבָה יִשְׂרָאֵל, שִׁלַּחְתִּיהָ, וָאֶתֵּן אֶת-סֵפֶר כְּרִיתֻתֶיהָ אֵלֶיהָ; וְלֹא יָרְאָה בֹּגֵדָה יְהוּדָה, אֲחוֹתָהּ--וַתֵּלֶךְ, וַתִּזֶן גַּם-הִיא.	3: -8 And I saw, when, for even though as cheating Israel had committed adultery, I had sent her away and given her a bill of divorcement, that treacherous Judah her sister was not afraid; and she also went and was unfaithful!

 

Yishaiyahu (Isaiah in English) the prophet used divorce  to explain that while the people had broken the brit  with God, the rift in the relationship between God and the Jewish people was not as final as divorce, but a result of bad choices:

 

א  כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה, אֵי זֶה סֵפֶר כְּרִיתוּת אִמְּכֶם אֲשֶׁר שִׁלַּחְתִּיהָ, אוֹ מִי מִנּוֹשַׁי, אֲשֶׁר-מָכַרְתִּי אֶתְכֶם לוֹ; הֵן בַּעֲוֺנֹתֵיכֶם נִמְכַּרְתֶּם, וּבְפִשְׁעֵיכֶם שֻׁלְּחָה אִמְּכֶם.

50: 1 This is what Adonai says: Where is the bill of your mother's divorce, that I used to send her away? Or which of My creditors did I sell you to? For your sins were you sold, and for your wrongdoing was your mother sent away.

 

The message of both prophets is worth its own study.  What matters is that both of them used the serfer Keritut/bill of divorce as a metaphor that they knew was  common and understandable.  The sin here is not divorce.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ervat Davar:  Two views of three teachings.

The Mishnah , Masechet Gittin (subject-volume on divorce documents) 

Chapter 10, Mishnah 9

The Hebrew term of Ervat Davar means “a thing of nakedness” or “an obnoxious thing”,  but figuratively it is  a polite term for evidence of adultery. Adultery is sexual activity with someone who is not your spouse or who is married to someone else.   לא תנאף!Lo Tinaf!  Do not cheat on your spouse!  is the seventh of The Ten Commandments.  Cheating on one’s spouse is seen as a spiritual and ethical crime in Judaism. But Judaism has several interpretations of what Ervat Davar can mean as a reason for divorce. And those three teachings can be seen as negative or positive, depending on how much Torah you know.  Let’s take a look at these two views of three teachings.

 

Mishnah Gittin 10:9
The College of Shammai say: A man may not divorce his wife unless he finds in her an Ervat Davar as it says (in Devarim 24) “Because he has found some unseemly matter [ervat davar] with her (and he writes her a scroll of divorce).”	בֵּית שַׁמַּאי אוֹמְרִים, לֹא יְגָרֵשׁ אָדָם אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן מָצָא בָהּ דְּבַר עֶרְוָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כד), כִּי מָצָא בָהּ עֶרְוַת דָּבָר.
And the College of Hillel say:  Even if she ruined his meal, as it says (same place) “Because he has found an ervat davar with her.”	וּבֵית הִלֵּל אוֹמְרִים, אֲפִלּוּ הִקְדִּיחָה תַבְשִׁילוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם), כִּי מָצָא בָהּ עֶרְוַת דָּבָר.
Rabbi Akiba says:  Even if he finds another woman more beautiful than her, as it says (there) “And it comes to pass, if she has no gracefulness in his eyes.”	רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא אוֹמֵר, אֲפִלּוּ מָצָא אַחֶרֶת נָאָה הֵימֶנָּה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם), וְהָיָה אִם לֹא תִמְצָא חֵן בְּעֵינָיו:

 

Interpretation One (by Rabbi Perry Netter): This Mishnah shows the wisdom of our sages who saw how basic love and respect are to a marriage.  Beit Shammai has the least flexible interpretation: even if there is no respect, love or passion left in the marriage, only if one partner commits adultery is there grounds for divorce.  Beit Hillel is far more understanding. Dinners get burned all the time- anyone who cooks regularly knows this.  But when  a burnt burger makes  him think of divorce, when the sound of his voice sets her on edge,  this is a marriage that is making both partners miserable.  For Beit Hillel, that misery is grounds for Divorce. 

 

And what of Rabbi Akibah, known for the long romance with his wife? In his view, this is a marriage where there is no desire to be together, no longing when they are apart. There is no sharing of hopes and dreams, no partnership.  The husband and wife are not in love.  Or rather that is half true-  the husband is in love with someone else. It is wrong to trap people in a loveless marriage, and Rabbi Akiba would say that the remedy for this situation is divorce.

 

Interpretation Two  ( Dr. Levavi-Finklestein):  this Mishnah shows  just how little power the rabbis gives to women in a divorce.  The first opinion is only slightly horrible, allowing the man to make accusations of adultery.  The second is worse, saying that an error in the kitchen is enough to let a man divorce his wife.  The third opinion is worse, saying that if he finds another woman more attractive that is grounds enough to divorce his wife- essentially for any reason at all!

 

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 When seeing these two views,  it is hard to believe they are talking about the same thing.   Dr Levavi-Finkelstein's research talks about Josephus, Hamurabi, impurity, and bodily fluids, and in the end can only see the Rabbis as going from bad to worse. R. Netter talks about love, affection, romance, and human nature.   I suggest R. Netter is not only the better reading for middle school students, it the better reading for anyone.