Topics for Jewish Youn Divorce and Civil Rights

 

Divorce is a Mitzvah:

Divorce American Style- Torah and Divorce- How Halacha Changes-  On Being a Jewish Feminist- Bizmaneinu- Gittin- The Beit Din- Sofrim-  Eydim- Takanot-   Agunot- Reform vs. Orthodox- One Family’s Story

 

 

WARM-UP

 

1.    a-Brainstorm : What words come to mind when you hear the word divorce?

 

b-How does Hollywood think of divorce? 

 

WATCH: Film trailer--   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHi-a1n8t7M

 

c- What do you need for a civil divorce?

 

2.   What is a Mitzvah really?  Mitzvah vs. Mitzve

3.   Mitzvah is what jews do: Divorce is normative.

4.   What do you need for Judaism’s divorce? Activity:

 “Everybody Knows”.

5.    SOURCES

6.   The Big Ideas:

·       Divorce is not a simcha, but it is a mitzvah.  

·        It is normal, normative, and important. It is not a sin.

·       Judaism is a religion for kids and adults. Many adults think Judaism is a religion for kids because they stopped studying it as kids.  But Much of Judaism only applies to adult life, such as divorce.

·       Judaism is concerned with all areas of human life, not just holidays and prayer.

·       American popular culture is rooted in a European Christian perspective of divorce, that divorce is a sin.  Judaism sees it as mitzvah: a way to make the world just and holy.

 

Vocabulary terms:  Dayan, Get, Eyd, Sofer, Shaliach, Beit Din,  Shtar,

 

 

EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS STUFF. BUT IS EVERYBODY RIGHT?  MARK TRUE OR FALSE!

1.     Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce you need witnesses, just like at a wedding.

 

2.    Everybody knows that  ...the husband has to wear a tallit during the ceremony.

 

3.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce, after the ceremony, the ex-wife and ex-husband are told not to speak to each other. Ever.

 

4.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the ceremony is only a few minutes long.

 

5.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce, the Reform movement says a civil divorce is good enough in our day.

 

6.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce Chasidic and other very Orthodox rabbis don’t perform or accept divorce.

 

7.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce Judaism sees divorce as a sin.

 

8.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce for the past 1000 years, rabbis have forbidden divorcing a wife against her will.         

 

9.    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the get, or bill of divorce, has to be on parchment.

 

10.                    Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  before the wife accepts her Get,  she has to wash her hands first.

 

11.  Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce before the wife accepts her Get, she has to take off any rings or bracelets.

 

12. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce the couple must be face to face for the entire ceremony.

 

13. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce,  traditionally, the wife is the one who gives the get to the husband.

 

14.Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  only rabbis can serve in a beit din for divorce.

 

15. Everybody knows that for a Jewish Divorce  only men may write a get.

 

 

 

 

In the fertile crescent of 3500 years ago, a man could divorce his wife without any restrictions.  He needed no court, did not have to make a settlement, or share custody of children with her.   The Torah made a powerful change in the world- putting a limit on a Jewish man’s ability to divorce his wife.  It was not perfect, and we will discuss how Judaism continually made efforts to strengthen women’s rights in a divorce. Yet even in this early part of Judaism’s history,  Divorce is a Mitzvah.  Check out the complicated area of the Torah where we hear the most about divorce (Devarim 24:1-4):

 

When a man finds a wife and marries her, should she find no favor in his eyes because of an ervat davar,  he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house;

And then she marries another man, and the latter man comes to hate her and he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out, or he dies;

Then her former husband cannot marry her again… that is something Adonai thinks is disgusting.

 

What does this set of verses see as normal?

What is an ervat davar? See the Mishnah in Gittin 9:10

What does a husband have to do to divorce his wife in this period of time?

What is the concern of this set of verses in the Torah? Is it divorce or something else?

 

 Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah in English)  the prophet used Divorce as a metaphor for the sins of our ancestors in ancient times (including idol worship, enslaving those they were supposed to free,  and bloodshed) and how they made a breach in our connection to God. He says this is how God saw the sins of the Jewish people in the Kingdom of Judah at the end of the 6^th Century, not learning from the fate of the Kingdom of Israel (yes, there were two Jewish kingdoms for centuries) :

ח  וָאֵרֶא, כִּי עַל-כָּל-אֹדוֹת אֲשֶׁר נִאֲפָה מְשֻׁבָה יִשְׂרָאֵל, שִׁלַּחְתִּיהָ, וָאֶתֵּן אֶת-סֵפֶר כְּרִיתֻתֶיהָ אֵלֶיהָ; וְלֹא יָרְאָה בֹּגֵדָה יְהוּדָה, אֲחוֹתָהּ--וַתֵּלֶךְ, וַתִּזֶן גַּם-הִיא.	3: -8 And I saw, when, for even though as cheating Israel had committed adultery, I had sent her away and given her a bill of divorcement, that treacherous Judah her sister was not afraid; and she also went and was unfaithful!

 

Yishaiyahu (Isaiah in English) the prophet used divorce  to explain that while the people had broken the brit  with God, the rift in the relationship between God and the Jewish people was not as final as divorce, but a result of bad choices:

 

א  כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה, אֵי זֶה סֵפֶר כְּרִיתוּת אִמְּכֶם אֲשֶׁר שִׁלַּחְתִּיהָ, אוֹ מִי מִנּוֹשַׁי, אֲשֶׁר-מָכַרְתִּי אֶתְכֶם לוֹ; הֵן בַּעֲוֺנֹתֵיכֶם נִמְכַּרְתֶּם, וּבְפִשְׁעֵיכֶם שֻׁלְּחָה אִמְּכֶם.

50: 1 This is what Adonai says: Where is the bill of your mother's divorce, that I used to send her away? Or which of My creditors did I sell you to? For your sins were you sold, and for your wrongdoing was your mother sent away.

 

The message of both prophets is worth its own study.  What matters is that both of them used the serfer Keritut/bill of divorce as a metaphor that they knew was  common and understandable.  The sin here is not divorce.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ervat Davar:  Two views of three teachings.

The Mishnah , Masechet Gittin (subject-volume on divorce documents) 

Chapter 10, Mishnah 9

The Hebrew term of Ervat Davar means “a thing of nakedness” or “an obnoxious thing”,  but figuratively it is  a polite term for evidence of adultery. Adultery is sexual activity with someone who is not your spouse or who is married to someone else.   לא תנאף!Lo Tinaf!  Do not cheat on your spouse!  is the seventh of The Ten Commandments.  Cheating on one’s spouse is seen as a spiritual and ethical crime in Judaism. But Judaism has several interpretations of what Ervat Davar can mean as a reason for divorce. And those three teachings can be seen as negative or positive, depending on how much Torah you know.  Let’s take a look at these two views of three teachings.

 

Mishnah Gittin 10:9
The College of Shammai say: A man may not divorce his wife unless he finds in her an Ervat Davar as it says (in Devarim 24) “Because he has found some unseemly matter [ervat davar] with her (and he writes her a scroll of divorce).”	בֵּית שַׁמַּאי אוֹמְרִים, לֹא יְגָרֵשׁ אָדָם אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן מָצָא בָהּ דְּבַר עֶרְוָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כד), כִּי מָצָא בָהּ עֶרְוַת דָּבָר.
And the College of Hillel say:  Even if she ruined his meal, as it says (same place) “Because he has found an ervat davar with her.”	וּבֵית הִלֵּל אוֹמְרִים, אֲפִלּוּ הִקְדִּיחָה תַבְשִׁילוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם), כִּי מָצָא בָהּ עֶרְוַת דָּבָר.
Rabbi Akiba says:  Even if he finds another woman more beautiful than her, as it says (there) “And it comes to pass, if she has no gracefulness in his eyes.”	רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא אוֹמֵר, אֲפִלּוּ מָצָא אַחֶרֶת נָאָה הֵימֶנָּה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם), וְהָיָה אִם לֹא תִמְצָא חֵן בְּעֵינָיו:

 

Interpretation One (by Rabbi Perry Netter): This Mishnah shows the wisdom of our sages who saw how basic love and respect are to a marriage.  Beit Shammai has the least flexible interpretation: even if there is no respect, love or passion left in the marriage, only if one partner commits adultery is there grounds for divorce.  Beit Hillel is far more understanding. Dinners get burned all the time- anyone who cooks regularly knows this.  But when  a burnt burger makes  him think of divorce, when the sound of his voice sets her on edge,  this is a marriage that is making both partners miserable.  For Beit Hillel, that misery is grounds for Divorce. 

 

And what of Rabbi Akibah, known for the long romance with his wife? In his view, this is a marriage where there is no desire to be together, no longing when they are apart. There is no sharing of hopes and dreams, no partnership.  The husband and wife are not in love.  Or rather that is half true-  the husband is in love with someone else. It is wrong to trap people in a loveless marriage, and Rabbi Akiba would say that the remedy for this situation is divorce.

 

Interpretation Two  ( Dr. Levavi-Finklestein):  this Mishnah shows  just how little power the rabbis gives to women in a divorce.  The first opinion is only slightly horrible, allowing the man to make accusations of adultery.  The second is worse, saying that an error in the kitchen is enough to let a man divorce his wife.  The third opinion is worse, saying that if he finds another woman more attractive that is grounds enough to divorce his wife- essentially for any reason at all!

 

___________________________________________________

 When seeing these two views,  it is hard to believe they are talking about the same thing.   Dr Levavi-Finkelstein's research talks about Josephus, Hamurabi, impurity, and bodily fluids, and in the end can only see the Rabbis as going from bad to worse. R. Netter talks about love, affection, romance, and human nature.   I suggest R. Netter is not only the better reading for middle school students, it the better reading for anyone.

 

But who was Moshe Rabeinu's rebbe?

 

            Bad and Good Advice

Exodus 18:  Text

Commentators

As time allows:

Ten C quiz

Ten C text

Ten C in Art

  

SHEMOT (Exodus) Chapter 18 : Before the Big 10, Moses gets advice

 

1) Yitro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought Moses’ sons and wife to him in the wilderness, where he was encamped at the mountain of God.  He sent word to Moses, “I, your father-in-law Yitro, am coming to you, with your wife and her two sons.”  Moses went out to meet his father-in-law; he bowed low and kissed him; each asked after the other’s welfare, and they went into the tent.  Moses then recounted to his father-in-law everything that Adonai had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, all the hardships that had befallen them on the way, and how Adonai had delivered them. 

 

2) Now Yitro rejoiced over all the kindness that Adonai had shown Israel when delivering them from the Egyptians.  “Blessed be Adonai,” Yitro said, “who delivered you from the Egyptians and from Pharaoh, and who delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians.  Now I know that Adonai is greater than all gods, yes, by the result of their very schemes against [the people].”

 

3) And Yitro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and sacrifices for God; and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to partake of the meal before God with Moses’ father-in-law.  Next day, Moses sat as magistrate among the people, while the people stood waiting for Moses from morning until evening. 

 

4) But when Moses’ father-in-law saw how much he had to do for the people, he said,  “What is this thing that you are doing to the people? Why do you act alone, while all the people stand about you from morning until evening?”  Moses replied to his father-in-law, “It is because the people come to me to inquire of God.  When they have a dispute, it comes before me, and I decide between one party and another, and I make known the laws and teachings of God.” 

But Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “Lo tov ha’davar asher atah oseh!/This is not a good thing you are doing! You will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone.

                   

5)  “Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and God be with you! You represent the people before God: you bring the disputes before God,  and enjoin upon them the laws and the teachings, and make known to them the way they are to go and the practices they are to follow.  You should accourdingly seek out, from among all the people,

Anshe Chayil/People Of Valor,

Yirei Adonai/Who Revere God,

Anshe Emet/Trustworthy People,

Sonei Batzah/Haters Of Bribes.

 

Set these over them as chiefs of [groups of[ thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens, and  let those judge the people at all times. Have them bring every major dispute to you, but let them decide every minor dispute themselves. Make it easier for yourself by letting them share the burden with you.  If you do this—and God so commands you—you will be able to bear up; and all these people too will go home not exhausted.”                             

 

6) Moses heeded his father-in-law and did just as he had said.  Moses chose Anshe Chayil out of all Israel, and appointed them heads over the people—chiefs of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens;  and they judged the people at all times: the difficult matters they would bring to Moses, and all the minor matters they would decide themselves.  Then Moses bade his father-in-law farewell, and he went his way to his own land. 

 

 

 

  

 

1.    What’s the Hebrew name for the Ten Commandments?

a.    Aseret Ha’pitot

b.    Aseret Ha’cheetot

c.     Aseret Ha’pflotzim

d.    Aseret Ha’Matzot

e.    Aseret Ha’Dibrot

 

 

2.   What color does some midrashim and mystical works suggest the two tablets  were?

a.    Grey

b.    Blue

c.     Plaid

d.    Yellow

e.    Red

 

 

3.    The stone from which the two tablets  is  suggested by many sources to be that color.  Which of the following  precious or semi-precious stones is not that color?

a.    Sapphire

b.    Aquamarine

c.     Turquoise

d.    Lapis Lazuli

e.    Onyx

 

 

4.   What is the first of the Ten?

a.    Don’t Steal

b.    Don’t Bear False witness in court

c.     Honor your mother and father

d.    I am Adonai Your God

e.    Don’t read this part out loud

 

5.   The sixth commandment is Lo Tirzach in Hebrew.  What does that really mean in English?

a.    Don’t wage war

b.    Don’t use weapons

c.     Don’t murder

d.    Don’t kill

e.    Don’t drink orange juice after you brush your teeth

 

 

6.   Which of the following kinds of creative work are specifically prohibited on shabbat by the Ten Commandments?

a.    Making food

b.    Making clothing

c.     Building shelter

d.    Making tools

e.    Dude, It just says not to do melacha-- reative work.

 

 

7.   Why do you think  the commandment to Honor your parents so important that it is one of the TC’s?

a.    Because your parents work so hard to raise you- you owe them.

b.    Because it’s the foundation of a just society- if you can’t respect your parents, who will you respect?

c.     Because God is a partner in your creation with your parents. To honor them is to honor God.

d.    Because it is very difficult as well as important, so God made it a commandment so we would not give up on honoring them.

e.    Because if you ever become a parent,  you know you will want your children to honor you.

 

 

8.    What happened with this set of two tablets?

a.    They went into the ark of the covenant

b.    They were smashed and then went into the ark.

c.     They were smashed and ground into dust which was sprinkled on every one.

d.    They were smashed and ground into dust, which was put into the drinking water of the Jewish people at Sinai.

e.    They were smashed and ground into dust, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, simmered in Sauce Bordelaise, and garnished with citrus supremes and a raspberry gastrique.

 

 

9.   The Sages of our tradition said that “Don’t steal”  meant a specific kind of theft, which was not to steal

a.    People

b.    Houses

c.     Poor people’s garments

d.    From the Temple

e.    Stuff in your brother or sister’s room

 

 

10.                   The last of the ten is about NOT Coveting. What does it mean to Covet?

a.    to feel inordinate desire for what belongs to another

b.    to feel extreme pride in one’s self

c.     to go without bathing for long periods of time

d.    to ignore one’s spiritual life or religion

e.    to borrow or mooch stuff from one’ friends constantly

 

 

SHEMOT (Exodus) Chapter 19 and 20: Take

Two Tablets and call me in the morning.

On the third day (at Sinai), as morning dawned, there was thunder, and lightning, and a dense cloud upon the mountain, and a very loud blast of the shofar; and all the people who were in the camp trembled.  Moshe led the people out of the camp toward God, and they took their places at the foot of the mountain. 

 

Now Mount Sinai was all in smoke, for Adonai had come down upon it in fire; the smoke rose like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled violently.  The blare of the shofar grew louder and louder!

 

 As Moshe spoke, God answered him in thunder.

Adonai came down upon Mount Sinai, on the top of the mountain, and Adonai called Moshe to the top of the mountain and Moshe went up.

 

God spoke all these words, saying:

 

·      I Adonai am your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, the house of slavery!

 

·      You shall have no other gods besides Me.

 

·      You shall not make for yourself a sculptured image, or any likeness of what is in the heavens above, or on the earth below, or in the waters under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them. For I your God Adonai am an impassioned God, visiting the guilt of the parents upon the children, upon the third and upon the fourth generations of those who reject Me, but showing kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love Me and keep My commandments.

 

·      You shall not swear falsely by the name of your God Adonai; for Adonai will not clear one who swears falsely by God’s name.

 

·      Remember the day of shabbat and keep it different.  Six days you shall labor and do all your work,  but the seventh day is your God Adonai’s shabbat: you shall not do any work—you, your son or daughter, your male or female servant, or your cattle, or the stranger who is within your settlements.  For in six days Adonai made heaven and earth and sea—and all that is in them—and then rested on the seventh day; therefore Adonai blessed the shabbat  day and made it different.

 

·      Honor your father and your mother, that you may long endure on the land that your God Adonai is assigning to you.

 

·      You shall not murder.

 

·      You shall not cheat on your spouse. 

 

·      You shall not steal.

 

·      You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

 

·      You shall not covet your neighbor’s house: you shall not covet your neighbor’s spouse, or male or female servant, or ox or donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.

 

All the people witnessed the thunder and lightning, the blare of the horn and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they fell back and stood at a distance.   “You speak to us,” they said to Moshe, “and we will obey; but don’t have God speak to us, it’s too much!”  Moshe answered the people, “Be not afraid; for God has come only in order to test you, and in order that the respect of God may be ever with you, so that you do not go astray.”

 

 

What’s with the coveting?

Chizkuni, Exodus 20:14:1

לא תחמוד אשת רעך, “Do not covet your fellow man’s wife!” Do not scheme to how bring about her divorce so that you can marry her. 

 

 

Rabbeinu Bahya, Shemot 20:14:1-8

לא תחמוד, “do not covet.” It is known that coveting something is a matter for the heart. The principal warning contained in this commandment is that one must train oneself to absolutely renounce all hope of ever acquiring unique things belonging (legally) to another person, be it real estate, livestock, inert objects, etc. One must not even think of these and wish for them in one’s heart. Were one to covet them one would ultimately commit murder in order to own them oneself!

…still, there are occasions when coveting is a character trait which is permitted. Coveting the opportunity to perform certain commandments of the Torah is not only permissible but is praiseworthy…. This kind of jealousy and coveting, that of the knowledge possessed by another,  is not only permissible but is rewarded by God.  Also included in this type of permissible desire is the desire for one’s friend’s (unmarried) child to be married to one’s eligible child.

 

Rav Sampson Raphael Hirsch on Torah, Exodus 20:14:1

The Mechilta  distinguishes chamada/coveting from ta’avah/lusting.  While ta’avah/ strong desire means an inner longing, chamadah means a lust that turns into action.   That’s why Rambam in The Laws Regarding Robbery 1:9  explains: whoever covets his neighbor's acquirable goods and torments him by harassing friends, or in some other way brings pressure until he receives it from him, even if he gives him a lot of money for it,   the ban is violated: Lo Tachmod/Do not Covet!